the Legacy of a Deep Fried Brain Cell

Okham's Razor

2009-02-20T07:10:00.000-08:00

I read a little bit more of Gravity's Rainbow by Thomas Pynchon, and though i am only on page 30 or so, i can tell that this will not be an easy read. pynchon likes to delve into the subconscious of characters and explain thoughts on an almost free flowing basis, which is quite reminiscent of the way James Joyce writes, at least in Ulyseses, and to a lesser extent, reminds me a little of Henry Miller as well. However, i have great admiration for both these writers, and while I have never gotten through a Joyce, I have devoured several millers. I cannot guarantee myself that i will finish this book, but I'm definately going to keep hammering at it. I think if i balance it or offset it with my new Lennon biography i could help ensure my sanity remains at stasis.

I hate to admit to this one, but i've been downloading mass quantities of illegal music. I'm such a criminal, and a petty one at that. but i've just rediscovered gym class heroes, i had heard the songs Cupid's Chokehold ("Take a look at my girlfriend") and Clothes Off!, but I never got that into them at the time i guess, and right now it doesnt feel like it was so long ago, but both songs came out at least 3 or 4 years ago, and i feel like a loser but i'm obsessed with them both now and can't stop listening to them!! i have the 2 tracks on a playlist and its repeated, and i cant wait till stump does another chorus in the vein of these two songs and submits it to the heroes. I cant get enough fall out boy as of late, and have listened to over 400 fall out boy songs (counting duplicates) in just the last 2 weeks. I'm just catching onto to what feels like the tail end of the fall out boy craze as well, i'm always so behind on my musical sensibilities...

~emster

f my l

2009-02-18T20:29:00.000-08:00

i just want to take a quick second to talk about the weed i've been smoking lately. if i can get a digicam in the near future, i'll take pics of like each bowl before i smoke it or something would be awesome haha, but anyways, this weed that i have now is kinda shabby, but it was only 50, which is weird to say but that means its not good quality. i'd kill someone to have a dank hookup, but the only guy i know who can get anything decent is an arse and i hate communicating with him, even for the sake of getting great bags! f my l!

Scrobble my life

2009-02-18T20:18:00.000-08:00

I figured it's about time for another post, it's probably the new school semester that has me in the mood to start doing things again. I've been reading lately, a hobby I had cast aside for quite some time. Of notable mention are the books Doctor Faustus by Thomas Mann, Norman's new Lennon bio, and Thomas Pynchon's Gravity's Rainbow. I am just starting Gravity's rainbow as well as the biography, and got about a quarter through Faustus before it started to get too much for me, but i will definitely
come back to it at a later point in time.

work tonight was one of the best nights in recent times, our manager made a stupid mistake and set our normally really time conscious operation back by 20 minutes, which you'd think would have effected the end time of when we got done 2 hours later, but thanks to my busting ass, we were out at our normal time. i can really do good work when i put my mind to it. it didnt hurt that the person who was assisting me at my job was this gorgeous female who i've never been able to have much contact with because she normally doesnt do the job she was doing tonight.

despite our close proximities, however, i was only able to talk to her a few times. i think both of us are shy, me possibly being the worst, and this will not aid in my ever getting together with her in the future.

it is a Wednesday night, and all my old friends are out for wings and drinking, where i am holding steadfast to my newly adopted lifestyle of hermitage, or the practice of being a hermit, or aka the practice of sitting in one's room on popular social nights, and then bugging people to hang out on the evenings when no one would want to. my school schedule which starts considerably earlier than ever before does not make me want to go out any worse. i've almost sworn off drinking entirely thanks to my new practice, doing so only on rare occasions, which i feel is a double edged sword that makes me proud now, but i feel i might regret the way i've been so anti social in the near or later future, when i think back of how good of times i could have been having otherwise.

but i am reassured by the great Neil Strauss, who admits in his brilliant expose' of the pickup community that he lived much a similar life while in college, and didnt begin to socially blossom until later in his life. this is going to be me.

one thing that makes me nervous about blogging is that i seriously dont want anyone i know in real life to cross link me to this blog! i want to be able to talk about things but i'm afraid a little google search will bring all my closest contacts upon my every waking thought.

i am resolving for this not to be my last post of the week

Me HeArt Ravi Shankar

2008-09-24T19:48:00.000-07:00

I've been up to some things lately... I think I've finally decided what I'm going to buy with all my new found money! I was randomly searching 'sitar' on various music websites, and I found this... http://www.music123.com/Rogue-STR-1-Pro-Electric-Sitar-Guitar-519273-i1150535.Music123

It appears to me to be an electric guitar, and then above the strings are some "drone strings", which are meant to simulate a sitar. Which means that you could play some sitar notes in the background of a guitar run! The sheer novelty of it is what makes me willing to spend $350 big ones on such a thing... or perhaps finance it for as low as $15 a month.... I feel that I would regret that soon but I just can't stop imagining this thing sitting in my room! It would inspire me to pick it up everytime I look it at, just like my current amazing guitar does. I love everything that is interesting and different, things that my friends would never have seen anywhere before.

I think so.

Pretty busy deigh today, only one class at 2:15, but then I had to work and then a group meeting where we didnt have much to do. Pretty busy guy.

To be perfectly honest, this blog is not really a "labor of love" like I feel that a blog should really be, more just something I do to take my mind off certain things, something i do in between smoking weed and jacking off. That's pretty much all it is. And then I like to look at it throughout the day, so I can look and be like "look, I exist and have something" so I can understand why if anyone ever came here, they didn't stay very long. Or say any comments.

The Suicide of David Foster Wallace

2008-09-22T19:30:00.000-07:00

Over this summer, I had the incredible experience of reading Infinite Jest in its entirety, including only the second half of the footnotes, after I started to realize that they were just as interesting and funny as the main body of text. I have been vowing to re-read the book since I first put it down, but have been trying to get other reading priorites out of the way in the interim. I borrowed my copy because I wanted someone else to be able to talk about the book with, which was a mistake because the gargantuan novel would take anyone not as crazed and with as much free time as I was and had this summer an infinite amount of time to read the book (counting prolonged put downs of the book, which admittedly happen to the best of us), and so I am resigned to not seeing my copy for about a year or so...

But on Friday night, I was able to borrow a copy from another friend, who had the copy borrowed to him by a philosophy professor, who said that he could keep it. So the night I got home after borrowed it, I googled David Foster Wallace... only to recieve the most disheartening news that I will receive until one of my remaining grandparents dies... the author, who I dubbed my favorite author after finishing I.J., had hung himself in his apartment last week. I feel bad for one because it is such a great loss to me, and also because I was so late to find out about it.

The fact that there will never be another David Foster Wallace book is incredibly unfortunate because there is so little material from him in his humous time. As far as I am aware, he only has one other novel, The Broom of The System, besides Infinite Jest, and a number of collections of short stories. While I still have BOTS, I just know that I am going to forever thirst for more novels by this author who is now dead. I believe I should elaborate on why this novel is so fascinating to me.

It will take a proper essay in order for me to convey the true genius of the piece in my opinion, but let me simply expound on the structure, which is so in an intricate way. The bulk of the story is set between a Halfway House, Ennet House, and the Enfield Tennis Academy. The main characters are Hal Incandeza, a student and son of the creator of ETA, and Don Gately, an on duty senior resident of Ennet House. The main unfoldings are kind of mysterious to me still, but the plot is not really what grabbed me, it was the writing. The stylistic juxtaposition of complex language with post modern street slang words, like "like", he uses the word "like" so much in sentences with really big words... this book just made me constantly smile, I can't even explain it yet. Save that for the reread...

So let me just say that I am deeply panged by the loss of this genius writer, and how it is so mind boggling to me that this man who has such a strong force of manipulation of ideas and language, could possibly not have what he needs to be happy and enjoy life... to the extent where he would take his own life and destroy all of his physical powers, to the decrement of the rest of us.

Need to Buy...... Something!!

2008-09-21T20:18:00.000-07:00

I just got the biggest paycheck that I have earned in a long long time, from my new job where I worked almost every night for 2 weeks... only working about 3.25 hours a night though, a really short shift. The check was for around $320, which is huge relative to a college student whose parents pay his rent and doesnt really have to worry about money like me... so it has created an impulse in my to buy something really expensive, which is like a constant inner drive that I am always fighting and only lose to in circumstances like this when I get a bunch of money in my bank account. And then I lose it all again way before I get paid again and end up eating lots of Ramen noodles.

The main thing that I would like to purchase right now is a wah pedal for my guitar, because I don't have one yet and I feel like it's a really important element to a rig set up. I have been playing for a little over 2 years, and the only pedal that I have so far is a Fab Metal, which was really cheap but still provides a pretty sweet distortion sound. A wah pedal is like the next level of guitar voicing, and I would really cherish it I believe. The pedal costs $70 or so, which is still pretty cheap relative to the other pedals that are out there. It is the Original Dunlop Cry Baby Wah, which is very old school, but was used by many famous artists like Hendrix because there wasn't anything else available back then. The only thing is that I would like to finally start saving money for a change, because I always find something expensive to buy whenever I get paid, and this would just be like any other splurge after the initial buzz of the new effect wears off.

I could also blow a hundred bucks on some pretty sweet new clothes at the mall, and I am really keen on the idea of getting the Guitar Hero featuring the new Metallica album, although right now I dont have many people I could play it with, so it would not be as fun. I would just be playing it in my room all the time, which is not such a good time. I also need some new computer things to accompany the graphics card that I bought but is incompatible with my current pc, so I basically need to build a brand new one to utilize the new card, which I bought in order to play Elder Scrolls V Oblivion because the first one was so cool.

OMG wtf are you doing in my room

Bag Management

2008-09-20T12:22:00.001-07:00

So today is one of the days that exemplifies my method of ensuring, or at least attempting to ensure that I never run out of weed. I right now have about 3 bags with a little pinch of ganj in each of them, because each time I was about to run out of weed, I got another bag before I did. And then I had part of a bag in my car for taking hitters with, and another bag I kept in my room most of the time to toke bowls while I was doing homework and chilling and stuff. I have now combined those bags into one bowl, which sits in front of me, unhit. Each time I want to take a hit, I call my guy and ask him if he can get a bag. If he says no, I just take a little hit and try to occupy my time with something else. What the system is currently banking on is the guy getting a call from a guy later tonight, so now, I must work on preserving my last remaining bowl, hit by hit, until at least 6 pm, which is in 3.5 hours. Since a bowl equals about 7 or 8 hits (this particular one at least), that figures I can take about 1 hit every half hour, which should also keep me relatively high all day. I also like to up my cigarette intake on these days as well, to keep me from fiending for weed when I don't really need to smoke it. In order to preserve My Last Remaining Bowl throughout this process, I am going to tell everyone who asks that I am out of weed, because really, I pretty much am. But since I had to work this morning, I deserve two hits, so right now I am going to take two. And then another if I dont feel high yet. And these hits will probably be unconsciously large, so will constitute more than My Alloted Amount. This means that I could be out of weed by 4 or 5 pm today, and may have to go as long as 4 hours without toking. During that time, I will create another blog entry entitled 'Withrdawal', and elaborate at length about my sinuses being fucked up because I can't smoke herb.

Here are some of the reasons I smoke weed:
1. It makes me feel better about myself
2. It makes everything more interesting to me, which gives me the patience to deal with/attend to things I otherwise would not have patience for.
3. It gives me access to ways of thinking I don't even know about when I'm straight
4. I can enjoy the day more (though I don't know what that means)
5. Weed actually makes me want to do homework (sometimes). (Depending on what it is, and how i'm feeling, and what the day's been like.) (this is actually pretty rare, but has happened before!)
6. I can sleep better when I have gotten high in the last 2 hours.
7. Weed gives you access to another dimension
8. There may be multiple dimensions that weed can give you access to
9. There are seven levels, the latter 6 makeup what I like to call "The Layers of Life"
10. I just don't see any point to not be in one of these "layers", unless you have to take a "layer" test, upon which resides something important that would be forfeited if the "layers" have been accessed in some duration of recency.
11. I can elborate on things better when I'm high, which is related to the 2nd item of this very list.
12. This list just goes on and on, honestly, so I should change the title to "The first 12 reasons I can think of for why I smoke weed all day every day."
13. I can only make another list when I'm high again.

Bar Soap is Yucky

2008-09-19T09:32:00.001-07:00

My entire life, well, at least ever since I first learned about germs or cooties in elementary school, I have developed a kind of phobia/gives me the creepers syndrome regarding bar soap. My parents used to have one bar of soap in the shower, which we all were expected to share, we all being my parents and I, the only child. For a while I was cool with this, but eventually i started getting kind of sicked out by the fact that they touch this exact same bar to their bodies, and I am to touch it to mine, which, though not according to 'Soap Theory', seems like it would transfer all of their germs on to me. I was around 8 when I began to use my own bar of soap, and never looked back.

However, the most disgusting place that I can think of for a bar of soap to exist in use is in the bathroom of a house shared by 5 roommates, which happens to be the case here. No pump for foaming action liquid soap, just a bar. This just seems really weird and disgusting, as someone wipes their butt and has their fecal butt particles on their hand, they touch the soap, the soap now has some of those particles on it! Just because you wash you hands with it, the particles are still their on the dry surface! Just sitting there, and the next person to pick it up, while they may end up with clean hands, they touch those particles!!! Am i Missing something!!! Bar soap is sick!!! It's SICK... especially now that they have 100 different kinds of foaming action liquid soap, it's a new era. The bars will always lose, the bars will always lose.

Wtf html

2008-09-18T23:30:00.001-07:00

i was trying to set up a new template, and when I put the html code into the html editor on blogspot, it gave me and xml error saying that something didnt need a space between something else. So then I went to another blog that is on here, just a random one by clicking Next Blog, and copied the html code and tried that code, and i got another error saying that the head needed a matching tag, so i searched through all the code, and there was a head> and also a /head>! So then i went to another blog, did the same, got another different compiling error! WTF! If the html loads a site, it will load a site! there is something very wrong with the html compiler on here, and this Is a Formal Complaint!

Magical Road Trip

2008-09-18T23:30:00.000-07:00

I'm kind of frustrated and confused that no one seems to have visited my blog since I started it two days ago. I know it's silly to think that anyone would have come to it in such a short time, but i just thought that little button above that says 'next blog' or something like that would have directed a few of the million? people that click it everyday to this one. And I haven't told anyone i know about it, because I want to be able to reveal thoughts and insecurities that I wouldn't feel comfortable with anyone I know knowing about. I want to remain completely anonymous, so I dont really have any reason to push people into coming here. I guess I just dont understand the ways which people go about finding new blogs, as this would be a good way to make it easier to stumble upon mine. Hopefully once I compile a larger amount of entries, my technique will improve and my writing will become more interesting, if it is an issue of interesting-ness.

Some shit that happened today (yesterday):

I woke up 10 minutes before my first class without any alarm, which is the second time this has happened to me in the first 3 weeks of classes this semester. I have not slept through a single one however. So i woke up, threw on the same jeans i wear everyday and my Brewers hat, put my contact case in my pocket, backpack, and was out the door, on my bike, and in the class room with 4 minutes to spare! I was so impressed with myself. And then, the one chick that sits on my right who I have drama with because of shit that went down this summer (while i was living with her and her best friend) and I have determined not to hang out with at all out of a revenge tactic, but we still act like everything's cool when we're in the class, she was really late, and this other girl that I know and smoke weed with who is in the class but sits in the front, permantly supposedly, after we filled out a seating chart 2 class periods ago but talked to me once and said she wishes she sat by me, came back to where the drama girl normally sits and took her seat. I thought everything would be ok because it didnt look like she was going to come to class, but then she did 2 minutes late and i was like "damn", and the girl in her seat apologized but didnt move and she sat down 2 to my left, next to another girl that sits by me who i smoke mary-jane with, but they dont know each other very well. I dont know, it was all weird (just to me though i'm sure)
SO then, the girl who stole the seat on my right asks me if i want to smoke ganj tonight, and i said yes, i had actually been thinking that the two of us going on a road trip and listening to the new Metallica cd, because she said that she likes Metallica 2 years ago, which was freshmen year btw, and I always thought this was fucking awesome about her and pictured her being a hardcore fan, even though she's mostly into the complete opposite type of stuff, like Umpfrey's McGee. But i said we should listen to the whole new cd, Death Magnetic, and she said that was cool. And then I asked her again when she got in the car later, if she really wanted to listen to it. And we went on a one hour cruise on all these wrong roads because I got mixed up between these two parallel roads that we have, one which goes past a K-mart, and another which goes past a Wal-Mart. I thought i was on the k-mart one and just was completely oblivious until miles later, and just went on all random hi-ways and stuff and made u-turns. But then, in the middle of All Nightmare Long, she requests something else to listen to, which was a buzzkill. I then got all like "What do you want to listen to?" on her, and she's like "something more easy listening", and then I put on Third Eye blind and she was a huge fan, and then 311's Amber which she liked, and then that went into these two other random songs that i had on the cd and was too stoned to even realize that they were playing before it was in the middle of the second one and i was dropping her off, the two songs being Beastie Boys 'In 3's' and David Bowie ''... ummm... something by David Bowie, the song that is covered in the Life Aquatic and i cant think of the fucking name right now, but whatev- 's all good yo

Regarding new haircuts

2008-09-17T13:56:00.000-07:00

I got a haircut today before my 2:15 class, because my hair was completely covering my eyes, and whenever this happens I tend to get really annoyed and frustrated with it. On most days after I shower, it will tend to curl up and out of my eyes, but other days it doesnt, it will stay straight, and these are usually the days when I call Mike and schedule an appointment.

Another annoying thing about my hair is how out of control it gets when it gets long. The wind will just pick it up and put it anywhere, and then my hair will stay fucked up. It is so annoying, so on windy days, if i dont wear a hat, i am constantly re-adjusting my hair and petting it down and stuff, which makes me feel really girly. But I just look rediculous if my hair isnt in the right place. I've been doing the longer hair thing for about a year now, starting last summer, and I really like the look, it does look a lot better I have been told, but my particular hair is so damn thin and light and fly-away prone... i've even been using this Garneir fruictis Sleek and Shine shampoo and conditioner, since I started growing it, which says on the bottle that it is designed to prevent fly-away hair, but the truth is, it doesnt work for me. My hair is still as gay as ever. I sometimes will put gel in it, but it just makes it really hard to get a good look, as my hair does this weird stringy thing when it gets wet or gelled. I dont know, i hate my hair, i contemplate shaving it all off, but I know i would regret this, as I dont like the way i looked really before I got
long hair. Its not long really, more like shag-style length, but for my entire life up to last summer, i always had it short, really short, crew cut short. Never even contemplated going for a longer look until the summer between Sophmore and Junior year of college. That was a good summer. Way better than this past summer, which is really messed up considering the circumstances, but I'll get into all that another time. I'm still too sore to talk about it really. It just took me for an emotional roller coaster, which ended up with me deciding to completely cut certain good friends out of my life, for potentially ever.

But anyways, I got my haircut today for the first time since June, and it was really do for one. the only thing i dont like is how short my hair is now, it's only about a half inch if that above my eyes, but it just feels thinner and less complete. I'm excited for some growth to take place, it should look perfect in about a week.

And i've got a ? about my barber situation and tipping him. This one guy downtown who i found last summer through the phone book owns his own place and is pretty busy. He gives really good cuts, and today i finally didnt have to say anything, he just said "Do what we do?", which i thought was cool because I like the same thing everytime. But anyways, about 4 months ago he raised his price from 12 to 15 dollars, and I've always felt that a 3 or 2 dollar tip is good for a stylist, but if he raises the price 3 dollars from when you started coming, should that raise just constitute his tip then? Should i stop tipping? because $17 for a haircut is kind of ridiculous for a college student like me. I tipped him $2 today, but it was kind of impulsive and i regretted it a little after. He's a nice guy and friendly and good at what he does, but i just feel kind of screwed, not really though, by the hike in price. I dunnnoo, what do you think dude?

over/out

Solo in Metallica's Cyanide

2008-09-17T00:19:00.000-07:00

One piece of music that i've had in my head constantly the last couple of days has been this one particular part from the solo of Cyanide, off of Metallica's just released album Death Magnetic. Kirk Hammet's solos are always my absolute favorite portion of Metallica songs, just because of the way his off the wall crazy antics seem to run contrary to Hetfield's tight rhythm and angry, serious vocals. Kirk Hammet's just doing like his own crazy thing, i dont know how to describe it other than playing the guitar perfectly as a complete extension of himself. It is very inspiring to me the way he plays. But anyways, in the solo of Cyanide, there's like two separate portions, where the first portion ends on this fast stretched out lick that slows down and then seems like its the end of the solo, and the drums stop and like everything the fades for a sec, and then an instant later the tempo/rhythm completely changes and Kirk plays these two notes that are just intense for me for some reason, two notes that re-introduce the solo and are just like 'F-Yeah'. i dont know, if anyone else gets a crazy feeling/really digs this little middle of the solos, please let me know i'm not the only one!!

so motivated!

2008-09-17T00:02:00.000-07:00

I can totally see how my life will change because of this blog! First, I need a digital camera, which I have avoided aquiring for the last three years, while all my friends get one and I count on them to preserve my memories for me. Once I get this new camera, I will be able to photograph everything and post it, there in putting my entire life up, a revolutionary means of blogging --- I saw someone's blog who posted a picture of every meal that he cooks every day! This was amazing... I will start to post my meals, I will post pictures of bags that I buy, even bowls before I smoke them! Pay attention to this freakin blog man, i'm about to take off with it!

2008-09-16T23:49:00.000-07:00

I can already see that this blog is going to get me into HTML again, as I used to be in love with it and making webpages, and now I feel compelled again into the realm of page creation

plans for the future - of this blog

2008-09-16T23:46:00.000-07:00

I want to put some stuff up on here: mainly, some essays about my favorite things, as well as some recordings of me playing guitar - which will suck but will serve as documentation of how i spend my life- as well as some musings about various philosophical ideas i encounter throughout the course of this school semester

I have no idea why I did this but...

2008-09-16T23:22:00.000-07:00

I am a 21 year old male going to college in wisconsin. My life is pretty good, but I find it hard to enjoy. Getting right into it// I have been an asshole lately, for reasons I don't even understand, and I have fallen out with a lot of the closest friends that I have. It has been very common lately for me to just completely ignore my phone, no matter who is calling. Well I dont ignore it, I look to see who's calling, and if it's someone that I think is going to want to hang out, I just don't answer. I don't know why, and then 'i usually haven't been calling back. I just don't want to hang out. What I really want to do is sit in my room, smoke marijuana, and play this really old game that I used to be into when it first came out in like 2000, an addicting RPG computer game called Morrowind. I dont know what the draw of this game is, other than that it's a complete escape from reality, which I guess is comforting for me. All my friends like to go downtown as their main source of fun, which is both expensive and often uncomfortable for me. I tend to get self-conscious sometimes when I am drinking. I tend to get self-conscious most of the time when I am smoking. This is why I like to avoid drinking, and instead sit in my room and smoke by myself, which I feel is wrong and I would like to change. I would like to be more social. But I just have such a good time when I know that I have the whole night to myself, and I can just sit in my room, in a house with 4 people, one whom I know pretty well, another who I met this summer and am getting to know better, and 2 others who I don't know very well at all yet. Only one of these people likes to smoke, the one i know the best. However, I tend to get very possessive and selfish, and i think one of the reasons I dont smoke with others often is that I dont want to share my weed with anyone. I am such a bad person. And i think that the marijuana is also developing an anti-social personality disorder for me, which makes life kind of weird.

I smoke most days within an hour of waking up, and then I get ready and go to class, usually taking a hit or two right as i walk out the door. Then i smoke again when i get home from class, then again on the way to work, and then again right after work, and then sporadically for the rest of the night while i attend to my studies or play guitar, while sitting alone in my room. This is the majority of my life. It wasn't always like this. I am a senior in college now, and have been smoking at a similar rate since freshmen year, have always done good, made a good number of close friends, and had very good times being a college stoner for the last few years. I have been losing my passion for drinking though, which makes it difficult to hang out when all my friends want to do is drink. I would just rather just smoke, and not drink at all. I feel cleaner this way. Alcohol makes me feel dirty, i cant quite feel normal until after sleeping. I think i am just weak mentally compared to my friends. I think i found a bad fit, and things were going to pan out the way they did no matter what. I think i think a little bit too much about things, and don't act often enough. I think this blog might help me establish my feelings a little better. This is my first post. Just sayin Hi